As I enter the new year, I am finishing my final months of candidacy for ordination into the diaconate for the Episcopal Diocese of Montana. The path to ordination has been a long process of growth and transformation. I appreciate this process so much, but that has only sometimes been the case. Many days, I resisted self-reflection and self-evaluation, goal setting, and stretching my capacity to adapt.  

I am not a runner, but I have a few runner friends, and I have heard that there is a time when you stop thinking about all the muscles, the pain, and the sound of your feet on the ground. Your legs feel lighter and more robust, the rhythm of your stride becomes meditative, and your focus broadens and centers simultaneously. You can see and navigate the road ahead, making adjustments for holes or rocks while listening as the inner workings of your mind process the twists and turns of life with clarity.

In spiritual formation, we will also reach a point like this. There will come a time when we no longer dread every challenging moment or self-reflection exercise. We will stop overthinking our journal writing and analysis of every encounter. We begin to focus our breathing and our prayer life while at the same time navigating the moments and encounters on our day-to-day journey with clarity and peace. 

New Year resolutions also are hard at first. We sometimes halfheartedly commit, and many don’t expect to stick to it. We sometimes set vague goals, and those are hard to achieve successfully. Yet vague goals and halfhearted commitments can still produce results. We can accept the resistance and the ambiguity and press on toward something even if we don’t quite know what it is.

I had no real sense of direction when I started the School for Deacons in 2020. I only knew I wanted to do something besides be a lonely empty-nester without purpose. The door opened, and fearfully and reluctantly, I stepped out.

If you want to be able to run a mile by the end of 2024 (remember, I am not a runner), a good first step might be to put your running shoes on. Then, maybe tomorrow (in your running shoes), walk to the mailbox. 

If you want more clarity and peace in 2024, find a daily practice you can build on. There are many different forms of prayer and meditation. Pick one, and then try it out today or…tomorrow.  

 Whatever you want to develop or change in 2024, accept the resistance and reluctance as part of the process, take the initial steps, and you will find your stride.

 Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; persevere in prayer. 

Romans 12:12