A moment for the inner-critic

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 1 Corinthians 13:1

We all seem to have voices in our heads; some are loud and intrusive, like the inner-critic; and some are gentle whispers like the inner voice of love. One of the most significant challenges in my life has been quieting the inner-critic so that I could hear my inner voice of love speaking and encouraging me to become my best self.

The inner-critic was with us in childhood to keep us safe. It was essential. It protected us from the things that were harmful to us. It is that same critical voice within us, that now lets us know when we are moving into new or dangerous territory. It will never leave us. Our inner-critic will be there to chime in when we approach something new, either hazardous or productive. The complication is the inner-critic cannot differentiate between the two. It is not useful in decision making on its own. We need to be able to hear the other voices inside us for honest discernment.

Perhaps, we can equate the inner critic to a helicopter parent. The inner- critic, with all its good intentions of protecting us and preventing harm or embarrassment, fails to teach and encourage us to become our best selves. It tells us we are inadequate to the task and must not move forward on our own. Like the helicopter parent, the inner-critic operates out of fear and mistrust, which is fair enough in this dangerous world. However, we are in this world and must learn to navigate our experiences for both survival and enjoyment. In addition to the protection we need love, encouragement, and trust.

We should not silence the inner-critic. We need to give it a moment. Identify it, name it, and appreciated it. You will, then, be able to calm this part of your ego. This calming will free your inner voice of love to tell you what your strengths are and how capable you are of tackling the danger or novel situation.

Once the calmed inner-critic steps back, the inner voice of love and empowerment is more apparent. With this dual perspective on your internal processing, you are more equipped to distinguish between what is a new experience and what may be a dangerous one. We can now intellectually weigh the pros and cons, and well informed proceed on the path to becoming our best self.

You can!
You have what it takes!
You are beloved!
You are worth it!

The beloved of the Lord rests in safety— the High God surrounds him all day long— the beloved rests between his shoulders. Deuteronomy 33:12

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

A moment to stay home

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Statistics are showing that social distancing is working, And yet, we are still hearing stories of people, groups, and congregations rebelling against the directives given by our leaders.

Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. Romans 13:1, 7

In the social distancing and stay home directives, we are asked to give up many things. We are giving up routines and rituals, comforts and assurances, as well as some of the “stuff” to which we have become accustomed. Amazon boxes used to show up on my porch fairly often with books, office supplies, and some fun things too. My dog is missing the UPS treats!

It is interesting to notice my own reaction to the changes imposed on my life as a result of COVID-19. Sometimes a little rebellion, some frustration, some sadness, and some moody statements, “I didn’t need it anyway.” How quickly I shift into. “It’s going to be ok.” “It’s worth the sacrifice.” “Others have given up or lost so much more.” matters. Quite honestly, I did not need it anyway.

What is it that is prompting people to ignore the directives and leaders as they, too, navigate this unchartered territory? Withholding judgment and anger, I will not even speculate.

I miss my church. So, I light a candle, open my Bible, and imagine someone somewhere at that exact moment is reading scripture with me, and I pray with them and for them.

I miss my friends. So, I make calls, write letters, face-time when I can, and remember with compassion all those who felt alone even before all this began.

I miss the freedom to go wherever, whenever. So, I walk outside. Interesting how luxurious this feels now. I am mindful of those who are without even this.

I miss the exchange of hugs. So, I stop and pray for all those who have been lost or have lost loved ones to this virus.

Jesus knew very well the feelings of isolation and disconnect from those he needed for support.

He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:37-41

This is but a moment. Stay strong and keep watch.

As you read this, know that this day you are in my prayers. I am sending you love. I know with certainty you are not alone. God is with you. Prayer is our most significant connection. Close your eyes, breathe deep and feel the love surrounding you.

A moment for the tangible

Tangible: Perceptible by touch.

I have to admit, though the thoughts in my head are plentiful, I have found putting them into words very difficult lately. Hoping for some kind of clarity or inspiration, I have spent a great deal of time in scripture and prayer and still, radio silence.

What am I longing to have? It hit me this morning. I am longing for something tangible, perhaps in the form of clear answers or a visible sign. Maybe that is what you are longing for too.

Toilet paper is tangible. Perhaps the borderline crazy paper product purchases are signs that others are also seeking something tangible.

Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!” Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:24-29

I’ve heard and read this story so many times it has almost become cliche. And yet, it comes to mind again, as a powerful message of Christ’s compassion amid fear and doubt, and his desire to offer tangible evidence to a fearful group.

In the passage before Christ appears to Thomas, the disciples have hidden away, with the doors locked, for fear of the Jewish leaders. We, similarly, are hidden away confined to our homes, keeping the outside world out, keeping to ourselves, and perhaps somewhat fearfully.

Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you. John 20:19-21

Peace may not be, by definition, tangible, but I can certainly feel it as I read this scripture. I can close my eyes and sense the change in the room where the disciples were. I then can feel the essence of the place I am in altered.

If we again back up in the scriptures, we will be with Mary, who, upon seeing Christ did not recognize him until he called her name. Then there was no holding her back.

Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” John 20:18

The visible Christ may not visit us as he did those whose stories are told in the scriptures, but we can be the tangible Christ to others. In this time, when leaving our homes poses a threat to ourselves and others, we can still reach out in tangible and safe ways.

We can make the phone call to someone we haven’t talked with in a while.

We can dust off that stationary that has been sitting idle and send a tangible note of care and concern.

We can take a few groceries and drop them off on the doorstep of someone we know could use them.

We may not be able to touch the hands of our neighbors, but we can still touch their hearts with compassion and peace.

A moment of retreat

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Have you ever had the opportunity to meet someone who, even though they are going through a difficult struggle in life, seems not only be joyful but also shares their joy with others? These people who carry the weight of the world with grace and courage inspire us and make us feel as if the world is a kind and loving place. On the other side of the spectrum, there are those who take their struggles and seem to leak them out on others. The weight they carry is massive, and so they are continually unloading it and often at inappropriate times. We recognize them by their anger, bitterness, and pessimism.

In the previous post, I shared with you the poem How Can I? I share these dark moments not to be morose, but to recognize the authenticity and importance of those moments. I Feel we are at our best when we can acknowledge and accept them as a gift. Life will throw us curve balls, and sometimes really hard and fast! However, at that moment when we are afraid, empty and have no answers, we have a great deal of space in our heart, mind, and spirit. We can choose to be active while waiting, filling our time with distractions like television, internet, and projects. Or we can choose to actively wait.

This month a fantastic team is working together to put the finishing touches on The Joy Retreat. There is a great deal of actively waiting involved in the preparation. Actively waiting means simply being, being in the place and doing the things that can bring us answers and fill our empty spaces in a healthy and fulfilling way. We need to be actively pushing away the habits of instant gratification and embracing the moment between not knowing and knowing. What we do in those moments our team is calling Habits of Joy.

How can we have joy and feel joyful when life is hard and grievous difficulties are close at hand? How can we feel joy when we cannot see the rainbow at the end of the journey? The joy in waiting comes when we are actively practicing habits of joy.

I believe we all have habits of joy and we exercise them. Although, if you are like me, it is not as often as we should and generally it is at the moment when we have just had enough. But the more we exercise Habits of Joy, the more ingrained the habits become and our ever-present inner joy , will surface, even in moments of deep sorrow.

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end. Hebrews 3:13-14 (NIV)

I invite you to take a moment and participate in the Joy Retreat by sharing here…

What do you do when you are actively waiting? What are the habits that spark or restore your joy?

Peace to you all,

Alana